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Posted April 01, 2022

Sean Ring

By Sean Ring

Will They Cancel Zorro Next?

  • Zurich Insurance drops its famous Z logo.
  • Its the old cancel ourselves before they do maneuver.
  • The city of Zurich has no plans to rename itself Urich in honor of the old Vega$ star.

Happy Friday!

There are times when I read articles, and I think, Theres no way this can be real.

But in Clown World, theyre all real.

My friend, this is no April Fools joke.

Though I wish it were.

But the worlds gone friggin crazy.

In the latest exhibition of this idiocy, Zurich Insurance - a company around for 150 years - has dropped its famous Z logo to thunderous social media applause.

Is now

Zurich said it did so because the Z symbol is a show of support for Vladimir Putin, and it wants to avoid this misrepresentation.

Whats next?

Will Sesame Street teach only up to the letter Y?

Will we have priest holes in our houses so we can escape to our Z chapels?

Will the Americans change the -ize ending to -ise, like the British already have?

As in, The Woke are infantilising our world.

Heavens to Betsy!

What happens to Zorro?

Will we start calling him Zero?

Do they know how hard it is to make a circle with a sword!?!

In this April Foolish edition of the Rude, let me show you why Im so scared this mission creep will extend to one of my heroes.

New Jersey, 1981

What little boy couldnt think The Fox - El Zorro - is one of the coolest heroes ever?

That year, The New Adventures of Zorro cartoon came on the air, brought to us by Filmation, the studio that later created He-Man.

I loved every minute of the 13-episode run.

Zorro was brilliant, secretive, and suave.

He kept his black stallion, Tempest (in the cartoon; Tornado was his name in the movies, usually), in a cave connected to his hacienda by a secret passage.

He was kind and measured, something Hollywood actors could be better at nowadays.

I remember wishing I had black hair, a sword, and a horse.

Later, my mother informed me that we werent Hispanic but Italian, and I was devastated.

Having landed in Rome today, I dont feel that way anymore!

Nevertheless, I was hooked for life and still watch all things Zorro whenever they come out.

Which reminds me

"Two bits, four bits, six bits, a peso. All for Zorro, stand up and say so!"

Zorro, The Gay Blade is one of the first comedies I ever watched, which also came out in 1981.

I remember sitting in front of my television, gawking at the movie a few years later on HBO when that service first came out.

HBO played it over and over again!

In a Golden Globe-nominated performance, George Hamilton played Don Diego de la Vega and his gay twin brother Ramon in a tongue-in-cheek sequel to the inimitable The Mark of Zorro.

It was a perfectly ridiculous but entertaining film that makes me smile to this day.

It wasnt as good as Hamiltons first spoof, Love at First Bite.

But beating Draculas nightlife and boogie was a tall order indeed.

The Gay Blade wouldnt even be made today, as the woke would kill it in the womb.

The humorless Rotten Tomatoes critics hate it, though the audience seems to like it more.

But by George, Hamilton looked handsome in black - and plum, banana, and avocado.

And the ending is gold.

Really.

The Greatest Duel in Movie History

Of course, I never watched any black and white movies with my father until I came across Errol Flynn and 1938s The Adventures of Robin Hood.

A magnificent film, rightly regarded as a classic, Robin Hoods competition came in 1940 - in black.

Tyrone Power donned the mask and cape in a stunning performance as the foppish Don Diego turned formidable Zorro.

His enemy, the redoubtable Basil Rathbone, is now best known for his Sherlock Holmes films and as Errol Flynns usual adversary.

But in this excellent watch, Power and Rathbone deliver what is commonly agreed (at least by anyone older than a millennial) as the greatest swordfight in film history.

Its an utter masterclass on how to duel for a theater crowd.

No offense to Liam Neeson and Tim Roth, but Rob Roys duel, however excellent it was, doesnt hold a candle to The Mask of Zorros.

But you may feel differently.

Putting the Zeta in Zorro

In 1998, The Mask of Zorro came out.

I couldnt wait to see what Antonio Banderas would do in the outfit.

And then this happened:

I didnt know a woman could look this good.

Catherine Zeta-Jones, a Welsh actress playing a Spaniard, was simply the most beautiful woman I had ever seen on film to that point.

I remember the summer of 1998, my buddy Larry called me up and said, Do you want to see The Mask of Zorro before we head out for beers tonight?

I said, I saw it last night. It was great!

He said, Oh.

I said, No, thats fine. The chick in it is so hot, Ive got to see it again!

And so we went, and I drooled for the second night in a row in the theater.

A couple of years later, when all of London was appalled she was marrying Michael Douglas, a man 25 years her senior, I was thinking

Greed is good.

Greed is right.

Greed works!

God bless the old man theyre still married!

Meanwhile, Banderas hit it out of the park with Tony Hopkins playing his thoughtful mentor.

Just dont mention the sequel

Wrap Up

Im so accustomed to corporate idiocy I dont care what happens to Zurich Insurance.

Its just one more piece of evidence that the corporate world has gone mad while navigating the woke minefield that is the western world.

What I do care about is one of my favorite heroes getting canceled!

And I hope my rant hasnt invoked the Streisand Effect, where Ive inadvertently brought attention to The Fox.

I can just hear some insufferable SJW chanting, He slashes Zs, bro; hes got to go!

God save us all, but especially Zorro!

Have a great weekend.

All the best,

Sean

 

P.S. My monthly asset class report will be with you on Monday as I write from the Eternal City this weekend. Thanks for your patience!

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