The last thing I want to do is to make your morning cup of joe miserable. Life is tough enough without having to deal with some guy in a distant land chucking truth bombs across The Pond every day.

And while my ever-supportive management team at Paradigm Press has encouraged me to keep telling the truth, I’m a devout capitalist. Therefore, I want to give you what you want, without compromising my principles.

I take your feedback seriously, and lately, the mailbag has been tough to read. I won’t print some of the unprintable stuff, but there have been some fair criticisms of my views on the current war/special military operation and the administration’s handling of it.

So today is Positive Day. I’ll write in the voice of my favorite fictional optimist, Dr. Pangloss, from Voltaire’s Candide. (Alan Knuckman, Paradigm’s most excellent options expert, of course, is my favorite living optimist.)

“You’re Not American Anymore!”

Guilty as charged.

I gave up my passport in 2011, a full 12 years after I left America (and continued to pay US tax for that entire 12 years), when I realized I was never moving back to the States.

It saved me from paying America’s extraterritorial, citizenship-based tax from that point onward, allowed me to open up brokerage accounts in the countries I actually lived in (which I couldn’t do thanks to FATCA), and saved my future child from becoming an “Accidental American.” That’s when the IRS rocks up on your doorstep when you're 30 years old and claims you owe them income tax since you started working, even if you never lived in America.

After reading that criticism in the mailbag, it dawned on me (too late, obviously) that instead of giving up my passport, I should’ve moved to South Carolina, become a Senator, taken over $4.6 million from AIPAC, and rabidly support a foreign nation on national television.

Of course, that Senator is NOT a compromised traitor and should NOT be hanged by his neck until he is dead. He’s merely exercising good sportsmanship by backing an ally.

I had no idea this avenue was open to me. It’s damn-near impossible to spot one’s own blindspots. Who knows, maybe in a few years, I’ll get a green card and run for Mayor of New York City!

“Stick to Finance and Economics…”

It’s been ages since I’ve become reacquainted with the uniquely American viewpoint that living in 7 nations over 26 years makes me less qualified to comment on politics, rather than more so.

I thank the subscriber for alerting me.

I mean, everyone knows oil’s $40 range over the last five days had nothing to do with politics. It’s just a jittery market.

Yes, this is oil’s 5-minute chart over the last 4 trading days… really.

One of my colleagues, who shall remain nameless as I don’t want to tar anyone else with my brush, wrote this on our Slack Channel:

With the benefit of five hours’ hindsight, it increasingly appears the whole “very complete, pretty much” thing was just a cynical ruse to talk stocks up and oil down. If so, well played.

I scolded my colleague for such insolence, noting the President never even resorts to exaggeration. That colleague has been sentenced to 50 lashes with a wet noodle.

As James Carville once said, “It’s the economy, stupid.” And James Carville is always right.

“What if the intel is wrong and Iran already has a nuke or three?”

An absolutely fair question. The cynic in me would answer, “If Iran did, America wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole. See: Pakistan, India, North Korea, and Russia.”

But today isn’t a day for cynicism.

America’s intel is neither wrong nor compromised. It’s perfect, which is why Tel Aviv hasn’t been hit with any missiles, right?

My TikTok Isn’t Your TikTok

One thing this war has shown me is that my TikTok (the unfiltered Chinese version) is definitely not your TikTok (the filtered American version). 

On my TikTok, organizations like the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC), and not some random kid posting, have shown rockets slamming into Tel Aviv. What’s more amazing is that once a building is hit, the Israelis knock the whole structure down to make it look like the area was always a construction site.

Et voila! No damage!

I’d link to the video, but you’d probably see a Hello Kitty short.

And since the Israeli government imposes restrictions on both accredited media and ordinary citizens, it now makes complete sense to me why “my friend in Tel Aviv” is telling me there’s no damage whatsoever.

For ordinary Israelis, the government and Home Front Command are publicly “warning” that posting strike footage may lead to legal consequences, though those consequences are unclear.

Clearly, CNN tows a much tighter line than the Canadians.

So I don’t blame you at all for thinking I’m overegging the pudding when it comes to my thinking that this war is far from over. And it clears up for me why the US was so desperate to separate TikTok from its Chinese ownership.

See? You don’t have to witness the bad stuff. This government, that looks out for you, is the best possible government in the best possible world.

Wrap Up

One last thing, if you support this offensive, I don’t think you’re necessarily a jingoist armchair general. To me, the costs far outweigh the benefits. But I can be wrong. 

In tomorrow’s Rude, I’ll reveal a wild bit of British Empire history that may rhyme with the current times.

I hope to see you then.

In the meantime, may you shoot many rainbows out of your bottom while sitting on your veranda’s rocking chair, drinking homemade iced tea.